I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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