Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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