the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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