I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
did i just pee glitter
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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