Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
