Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Did I show you my penis last night?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
