think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
