just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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