once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
