My Higher Power is John Stamos
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Hippo gnu deer
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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