Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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