the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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