First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
