I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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