why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
