Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
