Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
