I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
