I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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