I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
