he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
FUCK WHALES
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