Well apparently he's into motor boating.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
