omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
