just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
