I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
smell my finger.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
