i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
