I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
