It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
