HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
be right there i have to get my cape
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
