He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
