And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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