FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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