This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
