i don't like sucking hair
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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