I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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