NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I want her autograph on my taint
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
