A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
