Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
