How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
