I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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