I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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