u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
