my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize