Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm getting married
To pizza
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize