For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
