just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
