I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
