If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
