Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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