I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I got inside last night via doggy door
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