You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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