she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
