You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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