I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize