Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
