"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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