Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
