Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize