my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I got her a Nickelback box set.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
