she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
