sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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