Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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