i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
