as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
