Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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