At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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