upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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