My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
When did angry sex become our thing?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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