I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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